“He is near to those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18-19
This verse has never meant more to me than it does right now.
I haven’t talked a lot about the recent events in my life because it has been really hard. I’m an internal processor, and when that gets to be too much, I write.
I am walking a really hard path, and to be honest my heart is broken. I’ve been in this place before, and its one of those things that never gets easier. You know what I’m talking about…the knot in the pit of your stomach that doesn’t go away. The feeling of nausea that always lingers. It’s all part of having a broken heart. Not to mention social media and all the pain that can bring. Its such a vicious place to be, and its the enemy’s playground. I can’t even begin to tell you all the lies I have had to speak against.
However, I’m learning some really valuable lessons. I was talking to a friend of mine about the situation, and as I was telling him what happened, Jesus spoke to me so clearly and said “You’re vulnerable, and you are right where I want you.” Vulnerability is so scary. Writing this post is scary. I’m being so vulnerable right now, and deciding to change the way the game is played. But Jesus can’t use us like He wants to unless we are vulnerable and honest. There has never been a time in my life where I have had to lean on Jesus more than right now. Jesus wants me in a vulnerable place so that I am constantly leaning on Him. Now don’t get me wrong, Jesus does NOT want you to hurt. When you hurt, He hurts. However, Jesus wants you vulnerable and totally dependent on Him because when you are He can guide you. Its in this vulnerability that He will lead you into your promise.
The other lesson I am learning is just how faithful He is. I call on him probably 50 times a day to comfort me, and you know what…He does it. Every. Single. Time. He brings me so much peace, and you know what He tells me….”Beloved, it won’t hurt forever. I have something so great for you. Just keep holding onto me. I will carry you.” He wrecks me every time, because THAT is my daddy. He is so stinking faithful I can’t handle it. Jesus NEVER lets me down. He NEVER leaves me. He NEVER abandoned me. He NEVER tells me something is wrong with me. He NEVER says I am not good enough. He NEVER tells me that I have messed up too much to be forgiven. He’s so good, and any time I hear those things (or you hear those things) I have to say (out loud – I look crazy!) LIE. Jesus does NOT think that about me, and I don’t think that about me. I believe what Jesus believes, and Jesus believes I am amazing, beautiful, smart, motivated, a world changer, a peace maker, a deliverer, and His beloved daughter. Jesus gave his life up for me, and I was worth it.
You were worth it.
I wish that each one of you that read my blog could sit with me during one of these times where He comforts me so you could feel it for yourself. It is the ONLY thing that makes me feel better. Its the ONLY thing that gives me hope. Its the ONLY way I will get through this heart break. He is the ONLY way I will get through anything because He is the answer.
I don’t know what your life looks like right now…maybe you are on cloud nine and life is awesome, or maybe you have a knot in your stomach too. If you do, Jesus is your answer. He will comfort you the same way He is comforting me, and it makes the whole process so much easier.
I know that God has called me for great things, and I know one day I am going to blow the roof off this thing. In order to do that, I understand I am going to have to walk through some things. So….if walking through this helps me to walk into my calling then I would do it all over again, because what God has for me is going to blow my socks off. Jesus was very specific when He gave me my calling – 2 verses:
Isaiah 61:1-3 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives and release darkness from the prisoners.”
Isaiah 54:1-4″Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who’ve never experienced childbirth! You’re ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women.” God says so! “Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You’re going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You’re going to take over whole nations; you’re going to resettle abandoned cities. Don’t be afraid—you’re not going to be embarrassed. Don’t hold back—you’re not going to come up short. You’ll forget all about the humiliations of your youth, and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory.”
This is my calling.
Jesus, I’ll walk through whatever to get there because I know you will carry me when I need you to. Because you say in your word, “It is with lasting love that I’m tenderly caring for you.” (Isaiah 54:8 msg)