I am going to say something that you may not agree with at first, but just hear me out.
God is not concerned with your behavior. God is concerned with the condition of your heart.
I know. All your religious church alarms are screaming, because we have been taught for years that its all about our behavior and managing our sin. However, God is bigger than that. God operates on a higher plane.
I heard this in a documentary a few weeks ago, and it really stuck with me. This pastor was talking about a vision he had, he said “I was in the sanctuary and there were people everywhere. Except they were drinking, doing drugs, and having sex all in the sanctuary. He said he was getting so angry and trying to stop them, and then he started yelling ‘If you aren’t going to respect the house of God then get out!’ And then he said he heard God say, ‘You asked me to bring you the lost…and this is what they look like'”
I have to say I was pretty convicted. But see God isn’t really concerned with the “bad” behaviors we are choosing. He is concerned with WHY we are choosing them.
If I choose to drink every night until I black out, I obviously have a drinking problem; however, I can go to every rehab center, AA meeting, and counselor in the world, but until I deal with WHY I feel like I need to drink until I black out the problem hasn’t been solved.
Its all about getting to the root of the issue. We all have stuff. We all have problems and behaviors we engage in that aren’t healthy. The focus doesn’t need to be on the behaviors. The focus needs to be on WHY we are engaging in the behaviors.
So instead of beating yourself up for all the things you think you are doing wrong, just start by asking God to show you the root of the problem. It may seem scary at first, but God is so gentle and kind. He never points out our faults in a judgmental way or a painful way. He’s so kind and loving, and shows us in such a way that causes us to fall deeper in love with who He is.
The most important thing you can ever know is that Jesus loves you more than you will ever understand, and He is on your team. Let Him help you, He wants to see you whole.