So Thursday morning I got up and went to work, and by Thursday night I was barely able to drive home because of fatigue. I went to the doctor and found out I was positive for the flu. Needless to say, my entire weekend was shot. I was supposed to hang out with a friend, attend a work training, and Jonathan and I were supposed to take our engagement photos. I was pretty disappointed that I was going to be stuck in my apartment for 5 days.
Well Friday I felt like instead of diagnosing me with the flu, they should have said “you were hit by a bus and didn’t realize” – and Saturday felt about the same. Well Sunday and today I started getting better, but I still can’t leave because I’m still contagious. So that is when the stress started setting in. I don’t do well sitting around and resting. I always feel like I need to be doing something. So I started becoming anxious because I wasn’t at my office, and I was still so fatigued I couldn’t focus on any school work.
I found myself sitting in my bed after obsessively cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, washing dishes, and still feeling no relief from the anxiety that I was going to forget something or leave something un-done. I have so much going on at work, I have a lot of pending assignments for school, and I am getting married in 3 weeks. So needless to say, I am starting to feel the pressure – from all of it.
Before I started spiraling into an anxiety attack, the sweet Holy Spirit reminded me of the verse of the day yesterday:
“This is why I wait upon you, expecting your breakthrough, for your word brings me hope.” Psalm 130:5 (TPT)
I was reminded that all of these circumstances are not worth my soul. They are not worth my sanity, nor my health. I was reminded that anxiety only has the power I give it. I was reminded that Jesus is my hope, and as long as I wait patiently His breakthrough will come in the perfect timing.
I don’t know if any of you struggle with anxiety, but I know what that feels like. I know what it means to have to take medication just to function, and if you need that – its ok. Medication is not bad. It saved my life. But here is what I also know, more than any of the medication, breathing techniques, exercises, food, etc. – you need the sweet hope of Jesus. You need the breakthrough that only comes from Jesus, and you need a Savior to swoop down and intervene on your behalf. Jesus does that for us, in His perfect timing, and in the mean time He calms our souls and our minds.
As soon as I stopped thinking about all the ways I might be dropping the ball, and started resting in Jesus – my soul and my mind was calmed. Be encouraged friends, Jesus is your hope and He is ready to bring your breakthrough.