So the last time I posted a blog it was in November about our journey with struggling to get pregnant.
It blows my mind that today, a January post, I am sitting at the beach with a 12 week pregnancy belly starting to poke out! Two days ago I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the second time, and I can’t tell you the wave of emotions that accompanied that sound. A sound, to be quite honest, I wasn’t ever sure I would hear coming from my own body. When I first took my pregnancy test I didn’t believe it was real. Weeks later I was still concerned it was a fluke and wasn’t true. When you are told no for so long, it’s very hard to believe when the answer is finally yes.
Lately I’ve been thinking about how much my life has already changed in a few short weeks and how it is going to continue to change. J and I were talking about our honeymoon a few nights ago and how we really want to go back to that resort and we both looked at each other and said “well that will be awhile since we are about to have a newborn.” It still blows my mind that this perfect little human is growing inside of my body and I don’t put any effort into making it happen.
I will tell you the biggest lesson I have learned and am still learning in this season is the idea of slowing down. Nothing teaches you this lesson like “morning sickness” which in our house is better defined as “all the time sickness.” I used to be able to work 12-15 hour days with no problem, and these days I’m lucky if I get to work 5 without the need for a nap. It’s wild how much ceases to matter when I think about how my one job right now is to take care of this baby so that it has the best chance possible at being completely healthy and whole. When I think about that, the dirty clothes don’t matter, the dirty dishes don’t matter, the work can wait, the need to take care of those around me and keep them happy ceases to matter. It’s jarring and freeing at the same time. Growing this baby has easily and without any effort become the center of my world. Everything I do, eat, watch, think about, is all connected to this little life that I have never seen with my eyes or felt with my hands.
Isn’t that such a picture of what happens when we fall in love with Jesus. Suddenly the idea of nurturing my relationship with Him becomes the center and everything I do stems from that relationship. Suddenly this being that I have never seen, heard, our touched becomes the forefront of everything in my world.
Friends, Jesus isn’t trying to be first on your long list of tasks to accomplish. He wants to be the center that everything else flows from. Everything we say and do should flow from our relationship with Him. Which also means that everything we say and do flows straight from Love itself. Love is a person – Jesus, love is not an abstract concept that somehow only applies to certain people, relationships, or circumstances. As believers we don’t get a pass at division. Ever. Jesus said to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt you – meaning our job is unity, love and reconciliation in every situation whether we like or agree with the person or not.
Such a radical belief system. Jesus would not be elected anything – He is way too radical for us. Friends, the world looks a lot like a dumpster fire somedays. However, Jesus gave us one job – Love those around us without regard to circumstance. It’s a wild and grace filled concept that can only be accomplished in close relationship with Him. He was tricky in giving us a command that would be impossible for us to follow without Him. Jesus is all about relationship and will do whatever it takes to be in relationship with you. In fact, He said over His dead body would you live without Him. Radical – I know.
My prayer for you is that you would be coated in Love, forgiveness and grace. That it would be impossible for you to be offended because you see everyone through the eyes of the One who made them.
I love you and I’m praying for you. I can’t wait for all of you to meet our little nugget that is already the most adored baby to grace the planet.