I have a lot of big dreams. I want to be a mom. I want to write and publish a book. I want to speak to crowds about the love and kindness of Jesus. I want to buy house with my husband. I want a fantastic marriage. I want my Doctorate is Social Work.
Are you getting the idea? We dream big over here.
Here is my default personality: I want all these things so that has to mean I have to have them now, and we can say yes to all of it and I can run myself into the ground but it will be fine.
Getting married to someone like Jonathan, who likes things to flow smoothly and not like 2 people are trying to run a 17 ring circus ( I understand that probably isn’t a thing), he helps me say no.
So one day I was getting anxious because I was only working on 2 projects: work and my Masters degree. I also understand that is crazy because who gets anxious about less work? Me. I blame my father, and if you know him – you understand.
I was talking to Jesus about all the big dreams, and how I need to be working on all of them RIGHT NOW because if it doesn’t happen now – it never will. And His response was this, “Katie, seasons change.”
…..and? We weren’t talking about the weather.
Again, “Katie, seasons change.”
Me: “I know that Jesus. It’s about to be fall which means I have to pull out all my boots coats, and put away all the fun summer stuff.”
Jesus: “Katie, not everything happens in one season. The seasons change.”
Me: “Oh. I get it now.”
Friends, we all have big dreams. We all have desires in our hearts. But give yourself some grace, you don’t have to do everything right now. Right now, focus on what is in front of you. Pick one dream. Pick one thing to do really well. Maybe for you, that is being really present with your kids and your spouse. Maybe that is going back to school, or maybe that is simply taking some time to rest and remember who God is to you.
A few days ago I found a journal from 2012. I wrote in that journal, “I will get my Masters in Social Work” and here I am 13 weeks away from achieving that goal. And I have done it with excellence. That isn’t to brag on me, that is to brag on Jesus. Working on one thing at a time, and doing it well is worth it. I am so proud of the growth I have seen in myself from taking a step back. This year I focused on being excellent at work, and at school. It’s paid off. In more ways than one. I found time to spend on my marriage, I found time to spend on myself, and most importantly I found time to spend on me and Jesus.
What comes next? After the 13 weeks? After I can mark one dream off the list?
I don’t know that yet.
Here’s what I know – I don’t have to know. I don’t know is an ok answer. I just have to know that Jesus is already there.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven.”